Last year, D.C. surprised everyone--including head coach James Bruney--by going 14-0 in the regular season. They were a solid team on paper for sure, but if someone put $10 on the Dinos on Kalshi to tear through the season unscathed, they would have won crap-ton of money. No one did that.

With that said, D.C. is still the division favorite. They won't go 14-0, but 9-5 is probably more like it. They have had some shakeups and QB Joe Burrow is always seemingly on shaky ground. The running-back-by-committee program worked in 2025, but may not do as well in their 2026 edition. Regardless, there are still enough complimentary pieces to make a deep run yet again.

But, wait...what's this? New York is back? Yes. The Lynx rode the struggle bus all season, ending 7-7 and outside of the top 5. With QB Jalen Hurts back in the saddle and a strong crew of backs and receivers, led by WR Marvin Harrison Jr., you have a winning formula. The Lynx will go 9-5 as well and may just get the tiebreaker to win the division again as they did in 2023 and 2024.

It might just be possible that Pittsburgh gets back into the playoffs as well, meaning that the East would put three teams in the big dance just like they did in 2022. The Spears have a bevy of running backs, but none of them is running away with the starting job. But, QB Patrick Mahomes could find himself renewed and ready to lead his new team in his new uniform. Top notch receivers solidify their resume and a predicted 8-6 mark.

Canton may still be a year away, but with RB Jeremiyah Love set as an instant starter, the Cougars will be ready to turn heads. The front office and coaching staff lost interest late in the year and it translated to a 3-11 record; however, the reinvigorated Kitties are ready to roar. If QB Jayden Daniels can get out of his own head and focus on their on-the-field performance, Canton might be able to squeeze out another win or two, but they'll probably end up at 5-9.

As far as the rest of the field goes, Orlando should take the Central yet again and become only the third MFL team to win their division for three straight seasons. Missouri hasn't won the West in nine years, but that streak ends this year. With the field set, I see the 2026 playoffs looking like this:

Play-In Game:
New York over Pittsburgh

Divisional Playoffs:
Orlando over D.C.
New York over Missouri

SUPER BOWL XXIX
New York over Orlando

Regards,

The season begins, as all good autumn stories do, with a murder.

Ravens owner Jeremy Bonk is none too pleased with the new Mackinaw City Murder, the freshly relocated and rebranded Arkdale franchise. The problem? According to Bonk, the Murder's logo structure and color scheme look suspiciously familiar. This is not the sort of thing you want happening when your team's entire identity is built around a large black bird traditionally associated with death, bad omens, and showing up at the exact moment everything has gone horribly wrong.

And yet here we are.

The irony is particularly delicious because the West may be turning into a literal avian bloodbath. Missouri enters the season with Josh Allen, Ashton Jeanty and the increasingly complicated Josh Jacobs situation hanging over the franchise. Newly-minted Mack City has (appropriately) Christian McCaffrey, DeVonta Smith, and enough cap space to make trade deadline waves. And of course the only non-bird team in the division is the one that will repeatedly smash its head into a patio window.

And Chicago?

The Ravens are just sitting on the telephone wires, watching. Or maybe not the telephone wires, but the power lines at the Levi’s Stadium substation.

Not a Murder of Crows, but an Unkindness of Ravens. That’s actually an old-timey term for a flock of ravens, you know. Trust me: look it up on the Internet, where you’ll also find lifestyle photos and investment advice from totally-legit professional football player Daejon Love.

Like crows, Ravens are attracted to shiny objects. And there’s nothing shinier than a Super Bowl ring. So I'm taking the Chicago Ravens to win the West and glide to the Super Bowl.

Maybe Jeremy has a legitimate grievance. Maybe the Murder really did steal the Ravens' aesthetic. Maybe, as the ancient proverb goes, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Or maybe this is simply what happens when you put middle-aged men in charge of fantasy football franchises and give two of them the same idea: black birds, angry logos, and an unhealthy fascination with death.

Either way, the Unkindness is coming.

***

While the Ravens are circling the trophy, the rest of the league is busy providing them with a mix of predators and carrion.

I'm taking Pittsburgh to win the East. The Spears have the two whitest QBs in the league: Drake “Drake Maye” Maye and Patrick Mahomes. Then there’s Achane, Hampton, JSN, CeeDee, and Nabers. And at any moment, Cam “Jon Bruney Jr.” Skattebo is ready to burst through brick walls like the Kool-Aid Man. The Spears don't need to fly. They just need to wait for something to land.

In the Central, I'm taking Orlando. The Oracles have Jahmyr Gibbs and Ja'Marr Chase, which makes them capable of turning a Pick ‘Em into an afternoon in Lindsay Clancy’s basement. And by the end of the day, not even hormonal Millennial TikTok detectives will question who’s responsible for the carnage that occurred there.

Miami might play spoiler, if only because Dave Wills has returned from retirement to rebuild the Mafia. After dropping Derrick Henry due to totally misunderstanding the No Kings rally, he’s retooled with a young, hungry roster. The Mafia may not be ready to rule the Central yet, but they’ll make life miserable for anyone who assumes Dave came back just to wave at the fans and enjoy the complimentary senior coffee.

Then there's D.C.

I'm taking the Dinosaurs as the top wild-card team and being neck-and-brachiosaurus-neck to win the East. Because what is a dinosaur?

A giant, terrifying ancestor of a bird.

The Dinosaurs don't even have to fly. They are the thing that made flying necessary.

D.C. has Breece Hall, James Cook, and TreVeyon Henderson, along with Justin Jefferson, Puka, and Drake London. That's a lot of offensive firepower for something that should technically be extinct. So while the Ravens are circling overhead, D.C. is lumbering out of the prehistoric fog behind them, reminding everyone that before there were flocks, there were monsters.

And then there's Missouri, which was my original pick to win the West until Josh Jacobs' situation turned the Peregrines into perhaps the most interesting question mark in the league. Josh Allen and Ashton Jeanty are still enough to make Missouri dangerous, but the Peregrines are now soaring through some very questionable weather.

Which brings us back to Chicago.

The Ravens have Garrett Wilson, A.J. Brown, D.J. Moore, and Scary Terry providing the air attack, with K-9 and David Montgomery getting it done on the ground. And look for a huge comeback season from Bucky Irving. The Ravens are going to ride that Bucky Beaver all the way to the promised land, much like I did to a certain statue outside of America’s Favorite Gas Station while rolling on Molly and BlueChew.

The bathrooms were immaculate. The jail cell was not.

***

Predictions

East: Pittsburgh Spears Central: Orlando Oracles West: Chicago Ravens Play-in Game: D.C. Dinosaurs vs. Missouri Peregrines MVP: Jahmyr Gibbs Rookie of the Year: Jeremiyah Love

***

And so we conclude another season of MFL football: an Unkindness of Ravens, a Murder wearing stolen colors, a Peregrine with a legal cloud hanging over its nest, a Phoenix returning from retirement, and eleven other men who presumably have jobs and families but somehow decided this is how they're spending their free time.

So obviously I'm taking the Chicago Ravens to win the West.

And I'm taking them all the way to the Super Bowl.

Where they will discover that the natural enemy of a Raven isn't another bird.

Sometimes it's a Spear.

Pittsburgh will wait patiently for the Ravens to circle the trophy.

The Ravens will circle.

The Ravens will descend.

The Ravens will smell blood.

Then they'll stab them.

Pittsburgh Spears. Super Bowl champions.

The Ravens will have flown all the way across the country, only to discover that a bird's-eye view doesn't always notice the doofus holding a pointy object.

The fans at the Carrier Dome will have no idea what they just witnessed, only knowing that it was exhilarating and icky at the same time, just like a Diana Rossini hot tub party.

And after yet another exasperating loss in the Big Game, Jeremy Bonk will say enough is enough, load up the Mayflower trucks, and relocate his 28 year-old professional roster to Baton Rouge, Louisiana, demanding to play in the SEC.

The LSU Unkindness. I like the sound of that.

Regards,

So here's to the 2026 Season. My 20th. Cue up the Little River Band and blare HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

My good buddy, Dr. K, wanted to know if I could slap something together before the season opener tonight for the West division. I did ask if Arkdale and that flea bag that never replied is finally gone? He confirmed, he is no longer in the picture. To that I replied as Curly Bill Brocius once said..."WELL BYEEEE!"

Let me give a big ole MFL Welcome to the newest club. Mackinaw City. Here I thought I was being racy, naming my club the Mafia. Mackinaw said hold my beer, cause the Murder are here. But they also doubled down and stole Chicago's colors to boot. Mackinaw said to hell with that bum ass Chicago squad, and just like that a brand new rivalry was born. Mackinaw looked at Chicago and said I'm your Huckleberry. To Davin, and John. Damn glad to have you fellas in the league. Now go fuck some shit up and make your place in here. Plant the flag! BURN THE BOATS!

Just what the doctor ordered. Fresh blood, fresh rivalries and I get the great honor and privilege of previewing the Western Division.

Mackinaw City: Yung Trifler would be proud of what Arkdale has grown into and not what it had become. As long as CMAC stays healthy MC should be competitive this year. QBs are steady with veteran leadership, TEs are top shelf, and WRs are upper end as well. Seen too many 16-17 scoring games and Mackinaw will Murder you if not prepared. Watch out for the NKOTB. Ohhhh ohhhhh wee ohhhh ohhh the right stuff.

Chicago: Traded away Lamar to Canton. But landed T-Law. Hmmm. Took K9 in the draft. Did you grab Emmett Johnson also? Hmmm. Fannin....Cleveland hmmmm. WRs are solid as they can get. Solid club, but just feels hmmm for some reason. But that depth they have. MMMM hmmmm.

Flint: Jon, I'm done giving you a hard time with the draft. Sincerely, I am done bitching about it. Just trade me your future considerations and this all goes away. Bijan Robinison, that offense scares me a bit at the moment with Tua Turnindaballova. Amon Ra....he is the WR1 in my eyes. Flint has a couple pieces but still has many missing to complete the puzzle.

Mizzou: Well, well, well...if it isn't the notorious Dr.K. Not a good offseason Brotha. Josh Jacobs news. Yikes. However, maybe it won't be as bad as it originally sounds. Jeanty went from season ending to just an ankle sprain. PTL! Josh the gunslinger. WRs are sus though. But if those RBs take off and hit Missouri will be someone to reckon with.

All in all the West should be competitive with some late season implications coming to fruition. But Mr. W sees this shaking out this way. I don't think we'll see a run away team in this division.

West Division:

Chicago: As much as I said Hmmm, looking at their depth is the exact opposite type of Hmmm. They have depth which is key to them taking the West this year.

Missouri: If the RBs come thru Missouri will give everyone fits, not just the west. If not, back to the drawing board.

Mackinaw City: Keep at it young bloods. You have the foundation built. Time to start framing it out. Have a feeling Murder will be in the headlines for years to come.

Flint: Too many holes to fill. But the second you count Flint as a loss, you'll be counting yours when the game is over.

But all in all I feel the state of the League is miles ahead of where we were last year and dare I say this...optimistic for the league this year. That said, a quick synopsis of the entire league since the West is done, and I have 37 hours to go until the Mafia jet lands in Australia for the season opener.

The Beast from the East: What was once the powerhouse division. Still kinda is. But now that DC doesn't have a super team he has more less been invisible as of late. The TradeFather is silent. DUN DUN DUN! Bruney Bros, it's football time. Get your shit together and let's roll. Canton is paying 6 mil for QBs which one will be a paperweight. Some depth, but a rebuild year. NY – Axe it is always good to see you my man. Dion thanks again for the hospitality. We give it 1-3/4 thumbs up! Too soon? New York is always the team that falls in a big pile of Poo, but always comes out looking like Brad Pitt and smelling of roses. Discount NY at your own Peril. Da Pittsburgh Spears. Purple Pimp. Probably the most solid team all around. Not saying undefeated, but who is going to stop them? No one.

My beloved Central: Trent it was damn good seeing you at the draft. Apologies for being one of the most socially awkward people on the planet. Regardless, I always enjoy seeing my cross state rival and nemesis in the Central. It was good seeing you my friend. Miami is still in rebuild mode, but will make every attempt to completely shit all over your week if able to. SB kinda like Miami, in the middle of rebuild, but will ruin your day if allowed. Ann Arbor has some nice pieces and if the cards lay just right could be in the midst of it.

So with all this said let's sum this up.

East: Pittsburgh - Bye

Central: Orlando

West: Chicago

Possible Wild Cards: DC, Mizzou, Ann Arbor

Super Bowl: Pittsburgh -vs- Orlando

League Champion: Pittsburgh Spears

Once again, welcome to the league Davin and John. I sincerely believe you'll be giving the league fits sooner than later.

Commissioner Kuespert: Congrats on the 40,000,000 million in expired MacDonalds gift certificates. Much deserved, well earned. Are they the official sponsor this year?

Mad Rapper – where in the hell have you been. What's it been 10 years? I'm waiting for lyrical bliss as "I eat diamonds so my shit will glitter" we need more. We demand Mad Rapper make an appearance.

Lastly, in closed door discussions with fellow club owner Tim Jones of the Cantwin Kitties – next year for the draft we caravan to Angola/Freemont and breathe in some of the old nostalgia of the league. The drive to Angola where deals were being cooked up before even arriving at the draft. Post draft half liquored up and the deals that were cooked up on the way home. There was more action in the Man Van then, there has been for the entire year as of late. Timmay didn't you land LT in a deal made in the man van while travelling to and fro? So perhaps a trip back to the Church for a draft is what the Doctor should order.

Here's to an injury free year to all clubs. I can't wait to see what Pimp has penned up for us.

Best of luck this year...you're gonna need it!

Regards,